My Comments on World Suicide Prevention Day 2015 – Stayin’ Alive

My birthday bouquet

This is what I posted over at my spanglish familia: Motherhood, Mental Illness, and Metamorphosis’ MEDS COCKTAIL PARTY SEPTEMBER 10th World Suicide Prevention Day:

It’s September 10th – World Suicide Prevention Day AND my 52nd birthday! I’ve made it over 10 years longer than I ever thought I would be alive, and very glad I am. I hope for other people to get to that point as well. Stayin’ Alive is well worth it!

1. Your diagnosis

I live with the DSM diagnosis 296.8 – Bipolar Disorder NOS.

2. What meds you’re taking

I take a cocktail of Wellbutrin 150mg, Lamictal 100mg, Klonopin 2mg, and Abilify 10mg.

3. How you’re currently doing

I’m in remission and I’m baseline hypomanic so usually very energetic and productive, but I currently have another, mysterious, health issue that is sapping my energy. It is, I think, a gastro issue that I’m trying to get to the bottom of by eating differently and doing other things as well as pursuing Western medical advice, which is hard because, well, the ACA. However, I just got Medicaid and am seeing new doctors, so I hope to be on the road to recovery, or at least having new knowledge and understanding, very soon!

4. And anything you’d like to share regarding suicide and suicide prevention

I can’t stand the constant comparisons between physical and mental illness. Physic pain is something that cannot be fully explained to anyone who doesn’t experience it. The desire to die, when deep inside debilitating psychic pain, is very intense and very real. I’ve tried to take my own life three times, in various states of psychic pain and each time I came back from the brink. Suicidal decisions are made in times of great distress and for the purpose of killing the pain, not the person. My experience is that the pain can abate and trying to find other ways to alleviate that pain is the avenue we want to go down, not only medication, but whatever helps gets us through the day.