But, when I couldn’t finish a sentence without violently ticcing and when my girlfriend (who has never seen anything but my extremely mild TS) on the otehr end of the thinks I have hung up on her when I am really only ticcing manically into the phone, I thought it better to take an extra 2.5 mgs of Abilify than live with the devastating physical and social effects of full blown Tourette.
Many people who read this blog say I am brave, mostly people without a mental illness and certainly without Tourette Syndrome. I, however, feel very cowardly, even if more comfortable passing. I feel like a fraidy kat who cannot handle a little neck pain or mild social ostracism from other freaks on the NYC subway and elsewhere. Me and my big bad self who pretends to be afraid of nothing and no one — I can’t take the return on my severe tics.
Meanwhile, my therapist, who, yes I am still seeing, wants to “work on” my Tourette. She believes its somewhere on the same spectrum as OCD and can be controlled. On that score, I want my Tourette, it’s mine and I don’t want to give it away and I don’t want it to be controlled–unless I am the one doing the controlling!