Yesterday I was more depressed than I have been for over five years—since I have been seeing my current psychotherapist. I skipped an appointment with a job readiness specialist at WeCARE and went instead to my therapist’s office. We did some bodywork and visualization, the kind of crap I hate, but it worked to get me outta my head for a while. I was in a state even she hadn’t seen before, even when she first met me after my last suicide attempt.
I feel that my work at the Back to Work program and at WeCARE for the past two months has been futile. My case for rental assistance has been closed because of a missing document. No one alerted me to this fact. I never received my required notice letter after my home visit, which is now six week ago. I have repeatedly called my original case manager AND her supervisor asking for a meeting. My calls always go into voicemail and neither woman has returned my calls, ever. Even my therapist called and no one returned her phone call either.
I had to file a request for a fair hearing because my food stamp case was also mysteriously closed. I’m feeling very hopeless, feel like dropping out of the program, because if my basic needs are not being met (the point of public assistance, no?) and I am hammering away all day in these programs, why then am I there?
Today I have an appointment with a WEP assignment worker. WEP is Work Experience Program, designed for people with little or no work experience to be assigned work for the city in exchange for their benefits, gain skills and a job history so they can get a job in the “real world.” Every woman I know in the program has been assigned to a janitorial job at some city agency. Will that be my fate, too?